Why am I awake at 1:52 am? I have no clue...but here I sit, watching Law and Order SVU and writing this blog.
It has been a little while since I have posted anything on here. I blame yard work, minor house projects, and life. To be truthful, I don't really have much of a point for writing this other than I haven't done one in a while and I am up late bored.
Tonight I came home from my game, relaxed, and as everyone else went to bed, I stayed up...sitting and thinking. I was laying on the couch when I heard Zion stir in his bed, and as his stirring turned to whimpering and then to crying, I went to check on him. It seemed as if he had just had a bad dream...something that I have never really thought about...my kids waking up to nightmares. Strange. But that is neither here nor there. I then sat beside his bed, looking at the marvelous life...inhaling and exhaling. Zion has been hooked to his pulse ox at every nap and every bedtime for a while now, but here recently his numbers have been a little low. Its a feeling I cannot explain. To know that something as terrible as strapping to your child a machine that measures their oxygen and heartrate every time they fall asleep is just the tip of the iceberg....to know that things much worse will come and they too will become routine. Its a bad feeling to be honest. But as I sat there, running my fingers through Zion's hair and tickling his back and face, kissing his forehead and just embracing that moment...I closed my eyes and I said a prayer...and God spoke to me. His answer was so sweet...so reassuring. I prayed for health not only for Zion, but for Zoe as she hasn't been feeling too great, for Chelsea as well for her back and waking up sick today...but as I prayed for my son...God spoke to me like never before. I have felt peace from God concerning finding a cure before...peace that allows me to get through each day with hope. But tonight, as I asked God for good numbers and peaceful sleeping for Zion, God told me not to worry. I thought of Matthew 6, and I thought of worrying, and God told me to stop worrying about Zion's numbers and just enjoy the moment. Enjoy watching my son's chest rise and fall. Enjoy the soft skin, the sweet smell of his hair, the feel of his forehead on my lips as I kiss him. Its amazing how when he wakes up and is fussing and crying, a simple kiss on the forehead and a quick "its ok buddy" brings him back to reality, and all is well again. God reminded me tonight that worrying is like spinning your wheels. As I hear all too often at work, "it is what it is." Sometimes life changes and you get a curveball. It is what it is. We can either sit around worrying about what is to come, or we can take it all in and enjoy life and never miss a moment. A moment like sitting in my child's bedroom in the middle of the night watching numbers and seeing life at its greatest. Some people would see Zion at night and see a picture that might bring tears to their eyes...for me and Chelsea we are passed the tears and now we see God's perfect creation. He created every inch and every aspect of Zion, and even now at 2:16 am God's loving arms are rocking him, causing his chest to rise and fall. So, goodnight all. Sleep is calling my name, and with peace delivered from my Father, I can go to bed now.